Tonight on Twitter, TheBetterSexDoc posted a tweet promoting a page containing tips on how to perform better fellatio. Only thing is, the Doc, who is identified as Dr. Mia Glanville as the user behind the tweets, promoted the page as something for women only. I did a double-take! Sorry, but I just never heard of a sex doctor who was so heterosexually-oriented. To boot, there’s a page on her site providing tips on how to pleasure a woman. But guess what? It’s for men only.

I’m not trying to make trouble. Honest. And I realize Glanville’s entire site is spun around the “women only” concept. I’m just confused, I guess. I suppose even sex doctors can be very conservative and vanilla about sex. Maybe I’m just way too naive. I’m definitely offended, though. Is Dr. Ruth this biased?

– Cassandra

This is a not-so-stylishly-late introduction for a new author and my old friend, Brooke. She mentioned in her own first post that we’ve known each other for eight or nine years. It doesn’t seem like it was all that long ago we were bonding over one beloved chanteuse or another. We still do.

Since the beginning of my love affair with Twitter, I’ve been trying to drag her in with me. That didn’t work, nor did tempting her with the Dark Delights of Second Life. (We’ll see. I haven’t given up yet.) Before either of those, or the myriad other social distractions, I’d been after her to write up her sexual experiences as an on-line Domme. It’s fascinating—and of course, titillating—to a great many people who’ve had little exposure to the “real” face of BDSM adherents. Not being one myself, I’ve only a passing familiarity with the dynamics of such relationships.

Like a lot of people, I’ve dabbled, and since the genre is so prevalent in porn, I wanted to at least write about what little I knew. Brooke, however, can do a much better job. Aside from her deep interest in the subject, she’s one of the most intelligent, eloquent, gracious people I know. I leave this part of CSB’s ongoing erotic confab in her most capable hands.

Image is © vk photography.

The magazine ranked 100 cities based on condom sales, birthrate and sex-toy sales, said Denny Watkins, Men’s Health reporter. The rankings were part of the magazine’s MetroGrades, which grade cities on different topics every month. But using protection and spicing up a relationship do not equal sexual satisfaction, according to Jennifer Bass, director of communications for Indiana University’s Kinsey Institute, which is internationally known for its research in sex, gender and reproduction. To do it by sales and demographic numbers is a bit of a stretch, Bass said. People’s satisfaction is usually dependent on their relationship with their partners and their own pleasures, Bass said.

Having sex does not necessarily mean satisfaction. There are a lot of people having a lot of sex searching for some kind of satisfaction in their life, Bass said. It’s a big stretch to go from that one idea to the other.

I so called that.

Sex expert rebuffs city’s rank in mag | The Journal Gazette

NEW YORK (Reuters Life!) – Forget New York, Los Angeles, or even Miami, Indianapolis is the most sexually satisfied city in the United States, according to a new report. The Indiana city is followed by Columbus, Ohio, Fort Wayne, Indiana, Cincinnati, Ohio, and Salt Lake City, Utah, in the report by Men’s Health Magazine that ranked the sexual satisfaction of people in 100 cities.

Say what? I find that surprising, myself. But maybe the fact that you hear so little about sex being linked to such cities is because they’re satisfied. I know there are a number of people who make a hobby of sexual exploits—long, tedious, highly detailed lists of who’s been done, how they’ve been done, what they’ve been done with, and where. (I may just have described myself in a highly unflattering manner. Oops. Do I get points for honesty?)

Or maybe they’re just not as loud as the rest of the “hot spot” cities we usually associate with the Big Bad Perverts. A lot of hype goes into fetish-scenes and certainly, there’s more of a buzz nowadays in regards to sex-related advocacy. As there should be. I’ve always believed that people with great sex lives don’t need to talk about it, and therefore, most of them just plain don’t.

Researchers analyzed data on condom sales, birth rates from the U.S. Census Bureau and sales figures from two top sex-toy retailers to compile the ranking. “It’s a statistical snapshot of sexual satisfaction across the United States,” Zinczenko said. “What we were doing was looking at three telling bedroom barometers.”

I’m guess that “sexually satisfied” means they’re having a lot of sex. And I suppose if you’re having a lot of sex, you’d damn well better be satisfied—though I am absolutely positive that’s not the case for a large number of people. I’m still not convinced that birth rates, condom and sexual aids sales equate with satisfaction. I will, however, try to up the numbers for my hometown with a visit to Babeland this weekend.

Article via Reuters.

Via Veronica Blue’s blog, tiny nibbles: StoyaDoll, Kill the Bear

What I take issue with, is how this whole thing is treated. It can’t be crass or vulgar. That vulgar vulva is so icky. So let’s make a puppet. Women love puppets! Let’s prettify it and take some pains to explain that a real vagina won’t look like this, so don’t freak out, m’kay?

How about talking a little bit about how beautiful it is? Maybe some mention that, for centuries, societies have imbued female sexuality with so many negative connotations, so that even our very words for our genitalia are thought of as cuss words, obscenities? Remember that: our words. Our vaginas, our cunts, our pussies, ours. Not one bit of it, in all of its myriads shapes, colors, textures, and tastes, is repellent or disgusting.

We don’t need your fucking puppets.

And so, let us commence with the mocking of fake cunts.

This is your vagina. (Okay, it’s mine. And I bet mine is bigger than yours.)

Dr. Debbie’s vulva puppet is made with satin and velvet and LITTLE FLOWERS DOWN THERE in the Happy Hole. To make it seem more appealing and non-threatening. Tyra likes it: “I’m so happy you have this, because it really, it makes it cute and sweet and not scary. It’s like a stuffed animal, you know, it’s just nice, and friendly.”

Excuse me. Mine is cute, friendly, sweet, and definitely not scary. Another thing it’s not: a stuffed animal, or anything like.

Ew. I touched the clit.

Don’t be afraid, it won’t bite you.

Unless it senses your fear.

And here’s the video. Watch it before YouTube decides that the “Vulva Puppet” title is just too dirty.

Since we’d been talking about a man who’d raped a sex worker and then been charged with armed robbery for “theft of services”, it seemed out of context—to me, anyway. For others, talking about sex in any context is an invitation to ask about my sex life. I’m not shy about my sexuality and experiences, have at it. What I do take issue with, however, is the underlying assumption that I should be embarrassed about who I’ve slept with, how many, and what I’ve done with them. Yeah, not happening.

For the record: Lots and lots. And probably a good bit more than that. Okay, that sounds like an exaggeration even to me, but you get the idea. I stopped counting when I was a teenager, and I really couldn’t give an educated guess as to how many. More women than men, I believe, though maybe the guys were less than memorable. No clue. No, really.

Years ago, I might have had a twinge of something like guilt. Back when I was still struggling with preconceived notions myself. Having a brain and being a logical kind of person has eradicated most of those stupidities, thankfully. I can have sex with who I want, when I want, and never feel bad about it, so don’t expect contrition. You won’t get it.

One of the reasons I’d been so indifferent about dumping the course was that I had a sneaking contempt for the attendants. (I cringe to admit that—good thing that the people who took the class probably aren’t going to read this, eh?) They were all so much older than I was. In their thirties for the love of red toads, and I—well, I was nineteen. I’m surprised anyone took me seriously, and of all the graces I can bless, I did at least act serious. I thought anyone who needed to be taught to touch was hopelessly stupid, and I was amused at the effusive thanks I’d get on occasion. Now that I’m older and in my thirties, no less, I realize just how important that class must have been to a number of couples. Sensuality is so important, and in the course of all of our day-to-day mini crises, that fact is soon forgotten. How much easier is it to just grab someone and fuck, or roll over and slide in? And yet…the lack of sensuality, even with less than intimate partners, leaves a blemish, a null in the experience, and for some of us, magnifies a certain type of loneliness. Sure, there are numerous studies on the important of tactile stimulus, from ailing babies to depressed adults.& Do we need them to know that a touch can inspire or break us?

I used to practice my sensuality techniques on others, getting a kick out of the rise I’d sometimes get. If someone would respond, I’d consider that touch a winner. My favorite was always having my hair brushed and played with, and it certainly worked well with other women. I’ve had very long hair for most of my life, and men and women both seemed drawn to it, not just aesthetically I think, but for the feel of it. In high school and college friends would braid it, twirl it, brush it. So I’ve had a lot of experience with non-sexual caresses and the unrequited desire that came along with it. With the advent of my first girlfriend, I also had someone to experiment on. From body painting à la Better Than Chocolate to chopsticks, we tried it all. Many were the times we’d end up in a sweat before ever touching a fingertip to a clit.

I’m guilty. I forget, and I forget it often, that sensuality has more to do with sex than any penis or vagina. Without touch, sex is mere conjecture. As carnal as it is, it’s also cerebral. The very act of touching should be conscious, without it we’re missing something deeply vital.

I know I am.

I’m almost as disturbed about what I read on the site as I would be over some rag advocating violence and hate. I understand that for many people it is a struggle to overcome the religious conditioning they’ve had all or most of their lives. I never had that added burden, for which I thank my lucky stars. What I take exception with is the passive-aggressive notion that non-heterosexuals are afraid of Christianity. Beyond the bullying, I mean. In a letter to the editor, one woman wrote,

What I am seeing is God moving on the heart of some very prominent homosexuals. Is that the fear…that you may be next to open your heart to His love and healing? That your hatred towards committed Christians may one day turn around?

Yes, we’re afraid of bliss, love, harp-bearing angels, and holy healing, not repression or the religious right’s agenda to sweep any non-Christians off the face of the earth. We fear living without hatred. How silly.

I don’t deny anyone the right to publish such opinions, but to pull a 180° shows a complete lack of class and respect. Charlene E. Cothran sent out those subscriptions knowing full well that the magazine’s erstwhile target audience would be less than appreciative. Far from informing people of the “miracles” of religion, she was making targets of her readers, pummeling them with anti-gay propaganda.

What a slap in the face.

Technorati : anti-gay, gay politics, homosexuality, religion, sexuality

Here’s another resource I found while I was poking around for more penis pictures. Male 101 has articles, surveys, and personal stories on men’s sexuality and masturbation. What’s interesting about this site is that the survey results aren’t from multiple choice questions, they’re real answers to one or two questions from real people. This gives the reader (particularly someone like me who just can’t get enough of seeing or reading about someone jacking off) more insight than usual. The content is totally free, and the advertising is mostly non-intrusive. There are also links to surveys for and about women.

I’ll take a peek at the women’s surveys later.

Tags: masturbation, body image, men, penis, heterosexuality, homosexuality, gender