Age Verification and other Hacks

I’m starting to rethink the whole lifestream post thing. Or at the least, keep it from posting to the front page (hide the whole category or make it private?). It’s only interesting to me, and the posts do no more than serve as my own personal archives. Anyone who actually wants to see the minutiae of my day can see it (for up to a month, egad!) on the Lifestream page.

The only thing I really did today was change the WP theme so that it had a white background instead of dark teal and made a few minor cosmetic changes to the CSS. Well, that, and threw balled-up socks at my dog—I mean, for my dog. He’s crazy about getting hit in the head.

And as another mini-update, I hacked the age verification plugin so that it no longer blocks bots. And instead of entering your date of birth (which is entirely lame–everyone knows that kids under 18 know how to lie to a button link) you tick off a check box and hit “enter”. Sorry that I left it so long; I find the damn things annoying myself, but my current host requires an entry page. It’s a quick and dirty hack, but I’ll clean it up and release it in case anyone else with a WordPress blog needs one. I’m sure that soon enough we all will.

Anyway, aside from idle masturbation (Hey, did you know that graham crackers were created to curb masturbation?* All those crumbs, I guess.), I’ve had a fairly productive day. Patting my own back. In regards to the title, the plugin’s the only real hack I had to share. So I’ve grabbed some quick filler to make up for it. FOX News does it, and now I can, too.

Masturbation hack #1
Try snacks.

*Corn Flakes, Graham Crackers, and Other Anti-Masturbatory Devices
The late 1800s to the early 1900s were dark days for masturbation. During this time both Corn Flakes and Graham Crackers were developed in an effort to curb masturbatory impulses in young boys (which were seen as leading to poor health, mental illness, and all manner of evil). Between 1856 and 1932 the U.S. Patent Office approved 33 patents for “anti-masturbation” devices. These torture devices developed by physicians and moralistic inventors alike ranged from spiked rings to male chastity belts to electrifying devices that would be sufficient for “burning the flesh” causing “great physical pain, and possible mutilation”.

via Sexuality

Masturbation hack #2

Follow a guide. Here’s a nugget of wisdom from one:

If you are associated with other persons having this same problem, YOU MUST BREAK OFF THEIR FRIENDSHIP. Never associate with other people having the same weakness. Don’t suppose that two of you will quit together, you never will.

This can even lead to “mutual masturbation” for which you will surely go to hell! (emphasis mine–spreading the love) And I’m talking about mutual masturbation with the opposite sex. If you practice it with the same sex, you have even bigger problems than just masturbating. Especially if you like it.

You must get away from people of that kind. Just to be in their presence will keep your problem foremost in your mind. The problem must be taken OUT OF YOUR MIND for that is where it really exists. Your mind must be on other and more wholesome things.

If any of your present friends have pimples, yellow teeth, runny noses or excessive ear wax, avoid them like the measles!

via some weird Geocities site.

Masturbation hack #3

Use things you have on hand.

Get a little housework done after you wank:

Men, you ought to try using an ostrich feather duster on your balls. Enjoy the soft sensations it gives just by rotating it around and lightly brushing/tickling against your cock and balls. Just use your imagination with it and you’ll be cumming in no time. (I really like this idea. Feather boas work great, but having a handle…hm.)

via Let’s Masturbate

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