I’m restless tonight. I can’t sit still, I can’t focus, I can’t sleep. I’ve masturbated with absolutely no luck. One of the weird things that started happening this last year is this “missing orgasm” phenomenon. It happens occasionally; and it’s extremely frustrating. I feel like strangling an orgasm out of somebody. I guess it’s not my orgasm that’s truly missing, it’s the sensation that’s missing. There’s a difference in scent and texture when I come; a different taste, too. I don’t usually squirt dramatically, but I do have some ejaculate, and I know the difference between self-lubrication and my own cum. I can feel the pressure pushing down just behind my mons…and the release. And once in a while…it happens. No rush, no dizzying spin, no electricity, no thunder! Don’t get me wrong, I’m not numb. It feels good while I’m masturbating, but there’s no ascending climax that I can feel. Just the physiological symptoms that tell me it’s happened.
I’ve talked to my doctors (old and new) about it several times since it first started happening. My first doctor’s response: “Have you had an orgasm before? Are you sure?” Yes, I’m fucking sure! That’s how I know it’s missing! No real help from him. My latest doctor is only marginally more helpful. “It’s probably stress. But you should know our bodies change as we get older,” she told me. Uhm. Okay. So I should prepare myself for the death of my libido? I know that stress can lessen the intensity of an orgasm, even keep it from happening, but what I’m having? I’ve never heard of such a thing. Searching for it online is absolutely no help. All I get are thousands of results about How To Get Yourself Off. And lots of results about erectile dysfunction as well. Which is about as useful to me as Cialis. I suppose I just have to wade through all of the hits and hope there’s something out there. There has to be, after all. I can’t be the only one, can I? That would suck just way too much.
Okay, I’m gonna go try again.