Be Gay the Pepsi-Cola Way

pepsigay.jpgSoy might not make you gay, but it seems that Pepsi Cola might, or might have at one time. Unfortunately, we know all too well how much credibility can be attributed to advertising. Remember all the spurious claims about smoking being so healthy? I do think it’s rather queer that Pepsi launched its ad with the exhortation to “Step out, be gay, the Pepsi-Cola way” in the late thirties or early forties, so soon after the Nazi gay-bashing spree. (Bit of history: The 5? 12 oz. bottle debuted in 1934, the same year as Hitler’s purge of homosexuals and other threats to his rule, The Night of Long Knives.)

Of course, the term gay wasn’t popularly synonymous with homosexuals at the time. But wouldn’t it be the ultimate conspiracy theory?

Pepsi-Cola Attempts to Swell the Ranks of its Secret Homo Army!

Since Pepsi-Cola introduced its twelve-ounce bottle for five cents, the same price others charged for just six, a chilling tale of hetero-poisoning has come to light. Why such a drastic price cut? To induce the innocent masses to buy more of their “cola” that has been secretly laced with toxins that cause violent outbursts of homosexuality!

In the wake of such evil, despairing wives and husbands are left behind, single ladies are swindled of prospective sweethearts, single men of their jobs and the rights and privileges incumbent upon an American man. These Commie-loving, dastardly adherents of Satan are weakening our nation from within. Experts have calculated that the birthrate will drop a horrifying 112% if this new threat is not stopped! Scientists have discovered that only Coca-Cola can keep you heterosexual, so be sure to drink it three times a day. Tests show that it can even reverse the noxious effects of Pepsi-Cola.

This paper earnestly and urgently enjoins the public to stop drinking Pepsi-Cola immediately and switch to the cola of the sponsor of Freedom, Heterosexuality, and the American Way: Coca-Cola!

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