Most people are probably familiar with the concept of cybersex*, but there’s more to it than some would expect. You can’t just log into a chat server and jump right into it, even if you see others sceneing. There are protocols for behavior in sex channels, as there are for almost any kind of social interaction. Sorry, it’s not a free-for-all, virtual orgy. (If you’re very, very lucky, you might actually come across such a session, but I’ve only encountered that once.) For women, it’s relatively easy to find a cybersex partner, just as it is for almost any woman to pick up a one-nighter. Few of them are interested, though, and of those that are, they usually start up virtual sexual relations after getting to know somebody and building a rapport.
As I’ve mentioned before, I’ve been hanging out on an IRC (Internet Relay Chat) server called SexNet for about nine years. (Yep, I know I’m a geek, and not one of those cool ones, either.) Seems as if cybersex would pall after so long, wouldn’t it? It has, in some ways for me. I’m no longer interested in “sceneing” or even private sex chat sessions. I am interested in watching, however. Not all the time, but I do enjoy knowing that it’s there (mostly) if I want to watch. I don’t bother with on-line relationships, sexual or romantic, either. I just don’t have the time, nor the inclination. I hang out in one of the smaller channels, where I can chat with friends I’ve known on there for years, meet some new ones that drift in, or idle to my heart’s content. Even though I have a “home”, I make frequent forays to other channels (chat rooms) to visit with other friends, see what others are talking about, watch the cat-fights, scenes, and gossip fly. It’s an easy, pain-free way to distract myself, and even, on occasion, arouse those sexual imperatives.
What I like most about this server is the fact that it’s small. Most people there are familiar with the etiquette required. Still, I get a lot of rude propositions from people who think that because they’re anonymous they can say whatever they like. There are basic netiquette guidelines, but only a few sources, like Dante’s Guide to Cybersex, tell you what is and isn’t appropriate when it comes to cybersex. Here are my picks for cybersex etiquette.
- Don’t join any scenes without being invited.
- What is sceneing? After a few quick searches on Google, I couldn’t find a definitive answer, though I do know what it means in my own personal lexicon. The term “virtual sceneing” is considered synonymous with cybersex, but I’d consider it a component. Usually when people use the term, they mean sceneing in the public channel; i.e., exhibitionism. In many channels it’s not allowed, others openly encourage it. Read the topic and any channel rules. Ask to join in, don’t just jump on the first available “body”.
Excessive rudeness is not an option.
- Indulging in it can get you banned from a channel, and in some cases from the server altogether. If someone tells you ‘no’, accept it with grace. Chances are, if you’re a guy, you won’t be able to find a willing partner without becoming a regular. Just as most women won’t tear their clothes off and fuck you in the alley behind the night club, they’re not going to do it on-line. Some might not have compatible fantasies. As we all know, there are a variety of reasons for rejection.
Don’t disrupt the flow of conversation in a channel with repeated requests for a piece of action.
- Small children try to get what they want by saying, “Mom. Mom. Mom. Mom. MOM!” to get what they want. It’s annoying. If you’re not a child, don’t act like one. If you are, go find an adult and ask them to help you set up a play date. Elsewhere.
Don’t pressure anyone for personal information.
- If you manage to build a rapport with someone, don’t immediately ask for a phone number, a real name, or heavens forbid, an address. Don’t ask to meet. I’m not saying you should never do this, you certainly can. Just remember that a lot of people are protective of their anonymity, and pressuring them is the surest way to get them to ignore you.
“ASL pls” is not a good opening line.
- Use this and you’re most likely to be branded a transient by regulars. Of course, if you are and you’re looking for the same, this will help you quickly weed out those who won’t be interested. Using conventional icebreakers is a better idea.
Pretending to be of the opposite sex is frowned upon.
- This can get you banned from a room or from the entire network. A lot of women find this highly insulting, and they can and will sniff you out and get you banned. Some make an entire sport of this. Personally, I find it delightful behavior. I get a real kick out of matchmaking two “bisexual girls” and watching them scene. If you’ve ever wanted to watch porn-inspired theatrics, here’s your chance. My other favorite thing to do with these “gals” is play along, then “confess” that I’m really a man. It’s amazing how fast these ladies disconnect.
Enjoy it, but don’t let it get you down.
- Quite often a dirty little session with the bi-curious, naughty little housewife can turn into something a little more meaningful on one end and not the other. If you’re not interested in that, be candid. If you are the one who wants more, again, be candid and accept the other person’s stance if it’s not what you want. Be happy with what you’ve gotten and let the rest go. You’ll find what you’re looking for if you just go with the flow.
[Cybersex] is a form of role-playing in which the participants pretend they are having actual sexual relations, by describing their actions and responding to their chat partners in a mostly written form designed to stimulate their own sexual feelings and fantasies. It sometimes includes real life masturbation. The quality of a cybersex encounter typically depends upon the participants’ abilities to evoke a vivid, visceral mental picture in the minds of their partners. Imagination and suspension of disbelief are also critically important.