Sexual Bibliotherapy

Since last night’s post, the back of my mind has been cogitating the issue of sexual reticence. I’ve studied a lot of books on sex and sexuality, mainly for the tips, to be sure, but I managed to pick up more than a little information, and even correct a lot of misinformation I’d learned as a teenager. People might laugh when they discover that I read How-To sex books and go to workshops, but I’ve always maintained that you can learn almost anything simply by reading and doing. Not to mention, exactly where else am I going to get this kind of info from? The people I’ve dated? Television and movies? The former isn’t that large of a pool, though I have learned a lot from some of my partners. As for the latter, while it’s all the rage these days to extract knowledge from the silver screen, I don’t usually think of T.V. and movies as being all that informative on the subject of sex. I include porn in that category, too. Quite simply, most porn provides entertainment, not tutoring.

I’ve been told that I don’t need to read books like Lou Paget’s How to Be a Great Lover, Dr. Hilda Hutcherson’s What Your Mother Never Told You About S-e-x and Pleasures, or the fantastic Violet Blue’s Ultimate Guides Series. Because I’m a friggin’ natural, right? While I might have a higher sex drive than most, and I’m more than willing to dabble in anything kinky at least once (generally four or five times before I lose interest), I wasn’t born with a working knowledge of intersexual relations. My repertoire was built from experience, observation, and yes, books. The candor I’ve encountered in books and in different workshops has definitely lent a hand in my own openness. And as candid as I appear to be, still, there are things that I don’t tell others about, and after reviewing the fantasies I’ve never or seldom mentioned I’ve discovered that their main theme doesn’t include others. In short, they’re humanly or technologically (I’m tipping my hand there, eh?) impossible. I’m proud to say that at the very least I’m completely honest about the things I’d like to do with other people. And that’s a big step in the right direction. The benefits of divulging that part of my psyche is problematical at this point.

I’m glad that I can explore my sexuality without some of the inhibitions and prejudices that seem to hedge others in. In the 1991 preface to The Joy of Sex, Dr. Alex Comfort said, “Children are not encouraged to be embarrassed about their play: adults often have been and are still. So long as play is not hostile, cruel, unhappy, or limiting, they need not be.” I’ve experienced all of those positions. (Adding those to all the other positions I’ve indulged in, it’s a wonder I’ve managed to become oh, so skilled in such a short time. All of that makes for a hefty resume.) I have to say that my socially-responsible, health-aware, devil-may-care approach to the delights of coital escapades is far more preferable. I’ve come a long way from the shy, inhibited, in-the-closet bisexual teen mess I was. What an adventure it was getting here! I wouldn’t take back any of the blunders I’ve made in my pursuit of a good orgasm or two. What with the books, classes, and kindly help of expert lovers, I can say I’m a damn good lover myself.

So here’s to growing and loving and learning. May we get what we deserve…and get it good.

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