Fucking Bugs

I do yoga in the morning.  Every morning.  My routine is…well, fairly routine.  To me, the most energizing posture of all is the headstand.  I’m posed (no pun intended) on the brink of my day, ready to take it all on.  Blood rushes to my head, revitalizing my brain.  Upside down is my favorite way to be.  Yes, even when I’m by myself.  This morning, however, I found myself with company.

Crawling right under my nose were two randy little lady bugs, and one was definitely not being a lady.  The other—who I assume was a female, though you never know—seemed to be more interested in dragging her swain along behind her.Buggy  Maybe she was just bored and trying to get away.  I just had to get a picture, so I scooped them up onto my plate and ran for my camera.  Now, don’t get me wrong.  I don’t get off on insectiality.  But I do like to watch a good fuck.  And I like to take pictures of the momentous event if I can.

I was only gone two seconds and they were already off the plate and halfway across my yoga mat.  Talk about staying power, or maybe I should say, the lack thereof. :P I chased them around the plate with an orange leaf and the telescoping lens of my camera, but I was finally able to get a good shot of them.   I had to work around the fact that my man bug was faster than the proverbial fuck bunny: most of the shots were far too blurred. 

I wanted them to finish their business in peace, so I dumped them in a jar.  It was only incidental that it made a fantastic observation chamber.  They gyrated around the bottom of the jar for a while, doin’ it doggy-style, the male fluttering his wings occasionally.  It took about an hour for them to sate themselves.  I wish the males I know had that much stamina!  Afterwards, the female wandered around disconsolately, looking dazed, bewildered, and quite literally a little flattened.  The bad, ill-bred man bug was hysterically throwing himself against the lid, trying to escape, all the while trying to stay as far away from the female as insectly possible.  I have never before had the urge to smoosh a bug with my thumb.

In the end, I didn’t, couldn’t.  He roams free even as we speak, presumably infecting other females with his spawn.

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